The Process

01/28/2013 23:00

Over the weekend, my girlfriends and I came together for a pampering party. After the party we hung around and talked until 3 a.m. Let me just say, I am still tired. However, I was quite enlightened by our conversations concerning our experiences of love and relationships. The ladies are both older than I am, so I received recommendations how to tackle dating in 2013. So……. today’s topic:

"The Process"

One of my favorite romantic comedies is “The Ugly Truth”.I love the dynamic between Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler’s characters. It parallels the discussion my girlfriends and I were having in regards to having a list. Now if you have not seen “The Ugly Truth,” I highly recommend you do. I will not spoil the movie for you, but what I want to focus on, is the decision making process we as women tend to lean on in finding a relationship.


The first process is physical stimulation.  Can we see ourselves with a particular person?  My friend, Laverne, is currently divorced.  She is fun loving, and a straight talker.  One thing that was addressed in our conversation was physical attraction.  Laverne stated that she was beyond the point of settling.  If she sees someone, and there’s no physical attraction,(no tingling in the stomach), she then will place that person into the friend catalog.  Some of us will hear that explanation and give the side eye.   Yet, if we are honest, we know that a first impression starts with the physical appearance.  If that person cannot get passed the appearance, you’re definitely are not looking to become seriously involved.


The second process is mental stimulation. Does this person challenge your mind? A well rounded person has beauty, brains, and can articulate a thought in conversations.My girlfriend Renee said it best, “if you cannot conjugate a verb, then there is no reason for us to talk”.I cannot agree more. In fact, I can look beyond physical imperfection, for someone who can stimulate my mind. It is something to admire, when a person can converse on different subject matters, do so in a manner that presses you to investigate more.


The third process is security.Does this person make us feel as though we can rely on them; emotionally, spiritually, and financially? It is critical to feel secure in a relationship.It imperative to know, that no matter of what you’re going through, that person has your back. Renee told a funny story about her first date with her husband and how he carried a knife. Now before I go any further, you would have to know the background story of her life, and the importance. She expressed how her father was not protective of her mother.On her 1st date with her husband, he was willing to protect her by carrying reinforcement, which spoke volumes of how he would protect her.At that moment, she knew she could see herself with him. We all laughed about it.In retrospect, it truly is the little things that verify whether there’s a future in your relationship.


It is great to converse with friends, and have takeaway moments of reflection. Whatever process we go through, we know there is a process when it comes to forming a long lasting relationship. I will always have questions to discuss with you.Do you think a list is necessary to help you with your process of dating? Does a list limit you? I want to hear from you, so let’s talk.



Tactful Talk Tuesday with Taneka

Topic: The Process

The Process

Rochelle | 01/29/2013

I read the entry, and I still feel as though you are not expressing yourself wholeheartedly. I meant to comment last week, but I got busy. I think today's topic is good, but I thought it was going in another direction. I will continue to follow you because I like a up and coming writer, but I challenge you to go deeper in your writing. Let us know if you have experience hurt and pain. True writers write with passion, and you are writing with a slow burn.

Re: The Process

Tactful Talk Tuesday with Taneka | 01/29/2013

Hi Rochelle-

I thank you for your feedback and for your encouragement to push myself. I think you will find that the straight talk no chaser approach only works for a certain audience before it is deemed as judgmental. I will go more indepth in the coming weeks, just hold tight. Continue to respond. Let me know what other topics you would like for me to address. Also, give me your opinion or response to what I wrote. How would you expand it? What would have made it more challenging and eye catching?

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