Fornication: You can do it if you want too, but I am not about that life.
Over the past year I have been in a transition period. Personally and professionally, things have changed and have caused me to look at things differently. I have found myself becoming vexed. I know I shouldn’t allow others to exasperate me, but yet I have. I have been officially single since December 26, 2011. I will not say this transition into singlehood has been easy, but I get tired of some of the things I have heard people say out of their mouths. I want to let everyone know that it truly isn’t a sacrifice to wait awhile. If someone has reached the age of 25, 30, or even 40 and are still a virgin they do not have the plague. Oftentimes it seems like, having had multiple sex partners is the norm, and if you can’t contribute to this conversation, people have a tendency to label you as peculiar.
Let me tell you some of the things I have heard that make me say: “Hmm.” Jay and I have known one another since I was 15. He and I disconnect upon graduating from high school. A few years back we reconnect. His first question to me was: “Are you still a virgin?” I answered with a question: “What do you think? “ He giggles and says: “Yes I should have known.” He proceeds to say: “I cannot be with someone who is a virgin, I am done teaching people.” Now I am looking at him like really dude, I am not offering myself to you. Second, I am not looking to be taught by you. For some reason, the notion that someone is still a virgin is shocking in the new millennium. I then asked myself, how many people are lying about their status of being a virgin? I know there are more of us out here. One of my good girl friends, Michelle, has been known to say, “I need to sample before I get married, as I do not want to be disappointed on my wedding night”. Now she and I have had many discussions, regarding relationships with the opposite sex. I told her that you cannot play a good girl/ bad girl and expect good results. It’s such an oxymoron, especially since she is in a leadership position at her church, teaching purity classes. I tell people all the time, I have flaws but fornication isn’t one of them. In the times we live in today, I just cannot wrap my head around sharing myself with someone on such a level that isn’t my husband. I want to curse my ex every time I have to deal with being single, and this new age rule of you have to play before you stay.
I just want the people who have ever made such outlandish statement, think of the consequences of their actions. Each day we are learning of new statistics being released of sexually transmitted infections being at an all-time high. Single parenthood has become the new normal. Women are slashing tires and busting car windows because “their” man left them. Men are knocking down doors and throwing acid on “their” woman’s face, because if he cannot have her no one can. People tend to glamorize their sexual experiences. Yet, they never reveal the hurt and the pain after the relationship is over. They never let you in on how it affected them. Sex isn’t just a physical act, but a spiritual one. It binds you together with someone on a level that is beyond comprehension. It is one of those things that if you are truly not ready, you shouldn’t allow anyone to coerce you. I am a product of fornication. My mother and father were never married. I see the consequences of sex from a different point of view, and how it can change the way men and women view one another. I am neither looking to justify why I am nor not a virgin. As my decision to remain a virgin, came way before I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I made that choice as a nine year old girl, who said I wanted more for myself. I didn’t want to justify having to explain why I am emotionally drained because I have allowed my spirit to be tied to someone who showed me they were only a part-time fling and not a full-time benefit.
What I want people to understand is that your choices are not my choices. Your lifestyle is not my lifestyle. The way in which you make and process decisions are not the way in which I process and make decisions. To my fellow virgins, do not be ashamed of your status. If someone asks you if you are, be truthful about it. Do not sit quietly and allow others to boast about their sexual conquest. You do not have to justify why, you can still date and have fun.